My awakening

What I will write now, many will not understand and much more will find it hard to believe. But I tell you that the world is much more then the 5 senses. What we see, hear, smell, taste, feel is not the truth. They are just a tool for us to experience the world. There is something much more then this, something much more that we can see with our eyes. This is the realm of Spirituality. And a major event in the path of Spirituality is called awakening. Is the moment you open your heart for the first time and you have a glimpse of reality.
I remember the day when i was doing a on a video call with the person that will later become my teacher. The person who took me in his arms and taken care of me while i was in France. It was the first or second contact I had with him on a video call. We were speaking about Shiva, the God of transformation, the destroyer of ignorance. And he put on his old music player the mantra dedicated to Lord Shiva, Om Namah Shivaya. The moment i heard this words, is the moment when time stop. I told him that something strange is happening with me, i feel very bad, and smiling he put the player louder so i can hear it better. I started to cry without any reason, saying in my mind "what does it mean, what does it mean?". I could not listen to it anymore and i've gone to the bathroom to wash my face and make a shower. In the mirror I started to observe my face and i could not see myself in it. It was somebody else, a face i could never recognise, a bad, demonic face. My entire body started to shake and tears come out of my eyes, i could not even recognise myself, the face i've seen so many times in the mirror was not me. I come back to the computer to ask my friend what is happening and told him about the mirror and he said that this is a method used by the tibetan monks to see their ego. A technique to see your demon inside you. He ask me if i want to listen again the mantra and with full determination I said yes! I felt that I need to hear it.
Listening to it again, my body started to shake so badly and i felt an immense pain in my chest, a pain like I never felt before, a pain so excruciating  that made me fall on my knees. The pain was so powerful that i could not take it anymore and i started screaming and fall flat on my floor, in that state of being paralysed of the pain I started to see flashes of memories that did not belong to this life time. I've seen some of my previews incarnations and who I was, i've seen how i killed people in war and how many times i people killed me also. This trance of pain and flashes lasted for about half of hours, the most painful period of my life i can say. But after this moments of excruciating pain, a Divine peace had rest upon me, a peace so pleasant and so full of love, so calm and so silent. A peace I was always looking for, where i wanted nothing, where i could not find worries or desires. It was like a immense stone was taken off my hearth. I never felt so hollow and empty. In that moments I was for the first time, awake. I never seen the colours, the objects, everything like this. It was like somebody cleaned my glasses.
From that moment i knew what my destiny will be, I knew i must be a Yogi. I trusted that there is something much more to know. Much more then the reality conceived in the mind. Just 3 words, Om Namah Shivaya, but in this 3 words the entire creation rest. What a blessing to hear them again after so much time... Every cell of the body and every thought of the mind was belonging to them. Om the creater of the five elements.
After one week i left everything behind and head towards France, where i meet personally the person who changed the line of my life.
Jai Guru Dev

My First Teacher

When i started on the path of martial arts, by chance and great luck, I meet my first teacher and also spiritual master. He is a genius, a person very rare to find in our days. He is a doctor,  martial arts instructor, artist, writer, and also a devotee. Such a rare combination in our days. People are either spiritual either bonded to the illusion of the material world. But not him. At his early age in the time of the Romanian revolution against communism  he was hit badly in the head and developed an hematoma with ended up with a sever operation on the brain to extract. Operation in which he was declared dead for a few precious moments. His body was not alive.
I remember the first important question i asked him was : Sensei what have you seen on the other side?
He replay : "imagine Angels so powerful that with a single thought can destroy the entire world , imagine entities so powerful with this immense  responsibility. How would you live if you had this responsibility?"
It took me 4 years to understand this words .... 4 years until the knowledge had sprouted.
All knowledge needs some time to sprout. The seed is there and is waiting for the right time and place to sprout. If i tell you that you are hollow and empty, that you are the Divinity, you may understand it, but it may takes many many years to feel it with your heart and full awareness.
He was my mentor, my trainer, my doctor and my friend for so many years. He had a big position in the society and always he wanted to push me in the "good world" even if everybody was against that and  asking why does he takes this boy with him everywhere. He would not care about words, his state of evolution is superior to the importance of words. I remember the last question i ask him before leaving in France was what does he think about Yoga. His answer will always resonate in my mind. He replay: "do you know that Cosmin in old greek means Son of Cosmos? maybe it is not with out any reason..." and he smile with a deep knowledge behind that.
My heart will always belong to you, thank you Sensei, thank you for opening me this road.
I belong to you.

About me

My name is Cosmin, born on 27 of July 1989 in the capital of Romania, Bucuresti. I grow up and a good and loving family. Until the age of 8, when the death of my mother changed the relationship of my family and of course my destiny. Since early age i had a question in my mind : Who am I ? I used to stay for hours in the night thinking about this question. With time not even this question was arising in my mind while sited in my room on the empty darkness, I was alone just with a state of peace and emptiness. As growing up i started doing sport. Mostly because my father was a bodybuilding national champion and a trainer. I have done all the sports you could imagine with the purpose to find out who I am. The one that really changed my life was martial arts, especially brazilian jiujitsu and kickboxing. I have done them for so many years... So many broken bones and so many tears have come out of this body... Because of the death of my mother i wanted to be somebody, to prove to myself i am powerful and strong. Because of this and also the fact i was living in a ghetto, i got contact with drugs, money.... and girls. What a movie! But every gangsta" movie have a dangerous end... I got addicted of drugs and i was seeing how my life was slowly decaying , day by day everything was falling a part. But i was still trusting God. A life force that i was considering so dear and so close to me. And He really was so close to me. At the top of my dark period i meet a person, a yogi. An old man, that had study the way of the Buddha for many many years and was even close to H.H Dalai Lama, but at a certain time he meet another Great Saint, H.H Sri Sri Ravi Shankar and from that day he become a yogi, going deeper and deeper into the knowledge of the Self.  This person was living in France. He invited me to his home even knowing my situation of being a drug addict and trusted me fully. I left everything behind in search of the Divine i lost contact. And from that day i consider myself to be a yogi. Since that time i have seen many countries  and gain many knowledge day by day, week by week, months by months, until one day when i meet H.H Sri Sri Ravi Shankar or as i will call Him from now on, Guruji. His  blessings and words have touch the deepest core of my existence, peace have dawn upon me, so many beautiful, silent and empty hours of meditation in witch this mind had finally rested. The bliss of the Atman, the joy and love that only a devotee can know, the silence of eternal peace, so many beautiful gifts His teachings had give me. 

I am not a human, I am not a man, I am not the body, I am not the mind, I am not a seeker nor a believer. I am a devotee, a lover of God, i am the creator of the creation, the eternal bliss. I am here not to take, but only to give. I am in the service of the Divine. 

My eyes have opened and i can finally see that I am what i was supposed to be. Soon i will go to India, the land in witch i had so many life, the land witch I consider to be Home. 
On the 14 of this month , a new life will start , a new story will be written on the pages of Brahman. I am so grateful and so much in love.